How to Tell If You Are Asexual

What is Asexual? It generally means not being attracted sexually to another person. It doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love or have relationships. It just means that you’re not interested in having sex with the person you’re in love with.

TIME

The following excerpts are from the upcoming book The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker, out September 2014. Decker recounts her struggles as a member of the asexual community, a misunderstood and often denounced group.

She explains what asexuality is, what it isn’t, whom it affects and why it doesn’t need to be “cured.” Though many assume that asexuality is a disorder, that asexual person just haven’t met the right person yet or that they are secretly gay, Decker explains this is not the case. Further, she explains that asexual people can become sexual later in life, and that doesn’t mean they were not asexual before. Similarly, sexual people can become asexual.

Decker has written for the Huffington Post, The Daily Beast and Salon.

My Story

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

At age fourteen, I had my first boyfriend. I wasn’t attracted to him, but I…

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