Sometimes I hate being genderqueer

This is going to be a personal post, so please bear with me. 

I started identifying as genderqueer around 2 years ago. I was in one of my ‘strong male phases’ as I like to call them. Then a few months later I started to express myself in a more feminine way. So it became easy to identify as genderqueer with monthly phases. 

Then I had a very strong male phase which lasted a very long time. I was binding and had severe dysphoria. It later calmed down and I felt more ‘neutral’. So my phases basically focused on masculinity. Sometimes I’d feel very masculine, other times more in between. But I wouldn’t feel feminine. So I started to identify as non-binary or neutral. And I even chose the pronouns ‘zie’ and ‘zer’ to replace the more gendered pronouns used (s/he). 

But now I’m confused. I want my partner to touch my chest, but other times all I want is to bind and wear boxers all day. I want to be called Zie, and I hate how feminine my full name sounds, but at the same time I no longer feel dysphoria when referred to with female pronouns or referred to as a girl. 

So my dilemma is this, am I accepting how people refer to me because it’s easier and I don’t want to make them uncomfortable? Or am I over thinking my gender? 

 

 

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