The 11th of October is national coming out day. what’s the importance of this day one may ask? well :
1. it’s the day when people can feel that they can reveal themselves to their loved ones, to be who they are. some people need a push, and knowing that there are plenty of others who could be coming out today can really help.
2. it’s a good time to read other people’s coming out stories and being able to connect with them. If not cause of similarity then because these people had to make the same soul searching as you did or are doing.
Therefore, I would like to share my own coming out story with you.
my coming out spans quite a few years, but it started when I was around 11 and I started to realise that even though I would have crushes on boys, girls grabbed my attention much more. Of course, one quickly dismisses this as just friendship. I mean, it’s normal to always want to spend time with a friend, right?
Naturally, as my friends started to get boyfriends, and I did too, I realised that I wasn’t so interested in having a relationship with them. And so I started to do my research, I began reading and watching LGBT anime and movies and I started to really start wondering.
And then I had my very first huge, enormous really, crush on a girl. I was 15, and when this girl walked in I realised that all my other crushes were nothing in comparison. That year I came out to a close friend as Bisexual. I was still attracted to guys, so it made sense. This particular friend tried to accept me, but she focused more on how I could be into guys. It was as though she superficially accepted that I was into girls, but the fact that I was still into guys ‘won’.
Needless to say, we stopped being close.
The following year, after successfully getting over my crush, I met another girl. A gorgeous girl. I started to have bigger feelings for her, bigger than a normal crush. but we were very close friends and I began telling myself that I was only interested in her as a friend.
This was normal, I was merely connecting with her this much cause I had never been so open with someone before.
Well, that wasn’t the case.
For 11 months I could not get her off my mind. I accepted the fact that I liked her. I even came out to her as a lesbian. she had managed to take over my entire life to an extent where I couldn’t even imagine having a crush on a guy.
And then she asked me out.
Being over the moon doesn’t even express how I felt at the time (and still feel, because we’re still together to this day). so I guess my coming out story is over ? I met the girl of my dreams, I’m a lesbian, voila the end?
Just because you’re in a loving relationship doesn’t mean your quest for self awareness ends. I started to realise that ‘lesbian’ doesn’t fit me. It didn’t mean that I loved my partner any less, it just wasn’t who I was. I realised that I had no interest in someone’s gender, I was attracted to them through their character. Cue some more research, and I realised I was pansexual.
Coming out as pansexual is definitely not an easy job, not when no one could understand the difference between bisexual and pansexual, but I did it. whenever my sexuality came up, I would politely say that no, I am not a lesbian, despite being in a relationship with a woman, I am pansexual. I love people because they’re people, and I love people because their character and personality appeal to me.
National coming out day isn’t just for sexual identity however, it’s also for gender identity. My coming out story here is quite short. Unfortunately where I live prevents me from being open about gender, so only my partner and one other person are aware of the fact that I am
non-binary. Once again, a lot of research and soul searching went in. But at least now I can say I know who I am.
Coming out isn’t just to other people, it’s also to yourself, and sometimes this is the most important thing to do.
One day, no one will ever have to ‘come out’, people will no longer be assumed to be straight or cis gendered. Instead children will take their partners home and their parents will just be happy to see their Child in a loving relationship.
Until that day!