Watch your words. Sticks and stones is not that true anymore … ‘words will never hurt me’ is idealistic and may work a few times. But at the end of the day ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’ – our words are stronger than any weapon. Use your words wisely. Always be nice, don’t hold back compliments. Don’t be rude or cruel intentionally.
Spread love wherever you go.
To be honest, I’m terrible around the LGBTQ community (I’m not going to speak about the I – Intersex part of the community because I’m not intersex).
At first I always put it down as me being awkward around people. Until I realised that I could actually interact with people who were cis or non-heterosexual with ease. I could also interact with people whose gender identity or sexual orientation I was not aware of.
But put me in a room of LGBTQ people and I freeze. I feel awkward.
Did I look up to them? after all, they were people who came out. I’m out too for the most part, but I would automatically assume that these people came out before me. So maybe I saw them as my heroes, but after spending time with them I would be able to calm down.
That never happened.
I tried joining my local LGBTQI group but I just could never interact. I didn’t contribute with my opinion on issues I could contribute on. So what was going on?
I didn’t feel *gay* enough. I didn’t feel *queer* enough. And I feared their judgement.
Was this way of thinking my fault, or theirs? I would say both.
It’s my fault that I feel like I’m not a valid member of the community. I need to learn that the way I feel and express myself are good ways, so long as I’m myself. I need to learn that just because I don’t identify as trans* it doesn’t mean that I’m not non-binary.
But it’s also the community’s fault for being so aggressive. I can understand the need to fight for one’s rights, to have to justify one’s emotions because the *normal* people can’t get it. But it’s this aggressiveness which makes it so hard for someone to join that community, to say ‘here I am, in all my glory’.
It’s also the community’s fault for not fighting against the stereotypes which they themselves can perpetuate. Am I expected to look and act gay? and is there a point where I become *too* gay or queer to be accepted?
I’ve realised that I could never be part of the queer or pansexual community, and I’ve accepted that. But it’s still a very difficult thing to accept, after all, we’re all looking for our place in this world.
The 11th of October is national coming out day. what’s the importance of this day one may ask? well :
1. it’s the day when people can feel that they can reveal themselves to their loved ones, to be who they are. some people need a push, and knowing that there are plenty of others who could be coming out today can really help.
2. it’s a good time to read other people’s coming out stories and being able to connect with them. If not cause of similarity then because these people had to make the same soul searching as you did or are doing.
Therefore, I would like to share my own coming out story with you.
my coming out spans quite a few years, but it started when I was around 11 and I started to realise that even though I would have crushes on boys, girls grabbed my attention much more. Of course, one quickly dismisses this as just friendship. I mean, it’s normal to always want to spend time with a friend, right?
Naturally, as my friends started to get boyfriends, and I did too, I realised that I wasn’t so interested in having a relationship with them. And so I started to do my research, I began reading and watching LGBT anime and movies and I started to really start wondering.
And then I had my very first huge, enormous really, crush on a girl. I was 15, and when this girl walked in I realised that all my other crushes were nothing in comparison. That year I came out to a close friend as Bisexual. I was still attracted to guys, so it made sense. This particular friend tried to accept me, but she focused more on how I could be into guys. It was as though she superficially accepted that I was into girls, but the fact that I was still into guys ‘won’.
Needless to say, we stopped being close.
The following year, after successfully getting over my crush, I met another girl. A gorgeous girl. I started to have bigger feelings for her, bigger than a normal crush. but we were very close friends and I began telling myself that I was only interested in her as a friend.
This was normal, I was merely connecting with her this much cause I had never been so open with someone before.
Well, that wasn’t the case.
For 11 months I could not get her off my mind. I accepted the fact that I liked her. I even came out to her as a lesbian. she had managed to take over my entire life to an extent where I couldn’t even imagine having a crush on a guy.
And then she asked me out.
Being over the moon doesn’t even express how I felt at the time (and still feel, because we’re still together to this day). so I guess my coming out story is over ? I met the girl of my dreams, I’m a lesbian, voila the end?
Just because you’re in a loving relationship doesn’t mean your quest for self awareness ends. I started to realise that ‘lesbian’ doesn’t fit me. It didn’t mean that I loved my partner any less, it just wasn’t who I was. I realised that I had no interest in someone’s gender, I was attracted to them through their character. Cue some more research, and I realised I was pansexual.
Coming out as pansexual is definitely not an easy job, not when no one could understand the difference between bisexual and pansexual, but I did it. whenever my sexuality came up, I would politely say that no, I am not a lesbian, despite being in a relationship with a woman, I am pansexual. I love people because they’re people, and I love people because their character and personality appeal to me.
National coming out day isn’t just for sexual identity however, it’s also for gender identity. My coming out story here is quite short. Unfortunately where I live prevents me from being open about gender, so only my partner and one other person are aware of the fact that I am
non-binary. Once again, a lot of research and soul searching went in. But at least now I can say I know who I am.
Coming out isn’t just to other people, it’s also to yourself, and sometimes this is the most important thing to do.
One day, no one will ever have to ‘come out’, people will no longer be assumed to be straight or cis gendered. Instead children will take their partners home and their parents will just be happy to see their Child in a loving relationship.
Until that day!
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a bully may be defined as someone who is ‘habitually cruel to others who are weaker’.
Most of us have already been bullied at some point in our lives; maybe we were the nerd at school, or the one who failed everything. Maybe we were overweight. Maybe our hair was all over the place. Or maybe just maybe we may have looked at the wrong person at the wrong time.
Many people would actually argue that bullying is just another aspect of school life, we get through it because there will always be bullies in this world so it is pointless crying about it. But many do end up crying, especially those who end up losing a loved one.
Every day we keep hearing about more and more teen suicides related to bullying. And that is why Spirit Day was conceived back in 2010 by Canadian teenager Brittany McMillan. Spirit Day is an annual event when people come together in support of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transsexual (LGBT) people who are being bullied due to their sexual orientation or gender identity, and also to commemorate those who felt that what they were going through, the constant pain and humiliation, the feeling of being alone in this enormous world, would never stop.
The observance of Spirit Day began due to the large amounts of bullying related suicides of LGBT people in 2010. Especially the suicide of Tyler Clementi who was filmed secretly using a webcam by his own roommates as he kissed another man, which was immediately transmitted on the web. It was due to this highly publicized suicide that McMillan decided it was high time something was done. And ever since then, Spirit Day has been observed annually on every third Thursday of October.
Purple is the symbol of spirit and hope on the rainbow flag created by Gilbert Baker and so it became apt to use for an event which attempts to instill hope in the people suffering from bullying. And that is what Spirit Day is all about. According to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) suicide is the third leading cause of death in teens, with about 4,400 suicides per year.
Despite these macabre statistics, education goes a long way. It is very important to educate from a young age that just because we are all different, it does not mean we are not all the same. There is never a good reason to treat someone differently, to be cruel. So while wearing a purple shirt may mean nothing to you, it may mean something to someone being bullied, to know that they have an ally in you. There is strength in numbers, so how about for one day, the third Thursday of October, we all wear purple to support our allies and friends who are going through a hard time.
As a side note I’d like to say that even though initially spirit day started out as a way to speak against bullying happening to LGBT people, I’d like to stress that bullying against anyone is wrong, but especially towards people just because they are being their true selves. We are all unique in our own ways, and it’s what makes us beautiful.
So it’s been a while since I wrote anything, mainly because it’s summer, which contrary to popular customs, means that I work two jobs and take care of the house, among other things.
But the great thing about summer is that I can also watch a movie at the most odd hours and no one would even bat an eye. So here, in no particular order, is a list of my favourite lady-loving movies:
1. I Can’t Think Straight
If this movie doesn’t make a list such as this one, then obviously that person has no idea what they’re saying. This film takes a lighter tone, incorporating that bollywood style of humour which is impossible not to laugh at.
The story centers around Tala, who is about to be married for like, the millionth time, and Leyla, a budding author who is dating a really nice guy.
Typical to most romance stories depicted in movies, Leyla and Tala don’t really see eye to eye the first time they meet, but because Leyla’s boyfriend is one of Tala’s close friends she decides to make an effort to get to know her. The result? Well… you’ll just have to watch
2. Imagine me and you
Another lighthearted movie that should be in every single top lesbian movies list. And not just because Lena Headey, the out lesbian and flower shop owner is in it. You may know her as the wine-drinking, manipulative Cercei in Game of Thrones, but here she is Luce, sweet, kind, and incredibly sexy.
Luce meets Rachel at Rachel’s Wedding and Rachel’s husband attempts to set her up with his best man…inviting her to dinner which quickly becomes awkward when Luce reveals that men are definitely not her type.
3. Loving Annabelle
If you’re a ‘forbidden love’ junkie like me, then you’re going to love this movie. Not only is the forbidden love lesbian, it is also a student-teacher relationship. What’s more, it’s quite quotable. Definitely a must-see.
4. But I’m a Cheerleader
Before becoming the beloved inmate Nicky in Orange is the New Black, Natasha Lyonne was portraying a cheerleader…who was also a very closeted lesbian. This movie plays heavily on stereotypes, mainly…’I’m a cheerleader, so I can’t be gay!’ So long as you can view this as the comedy and parody it was meant to be, then this is definitely one that will keep you laughing till tears roll down your eyes. Plus…Natasha was so cute when she was younger.. it’s no surprise why she’s so incredibly hot now.
5. The four-faced liar
This lesbian drama centres on a group of 4 friends, a heterosexual couple, a heterosexual male who constantly has issues with is girlfriend, and his very-out-and-proud lesbian best friend. This type of movie will definitely get you thinking about the risks we take in life and the consequences of our actions.
6. Show me love/ Fucking Amal
This Swedish movie is way better than you’d initially think. The girls look quite young so not a movie for those who are only interested in the hardcore scenes (seriously, is that ALL you care about?)
The movie is about Elin, a closeted lesbian in love with the most popular girl in school. But there is a problem, this girl has a boyfriend…and Elin is the least popular girl.
7. The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love
Now I don’t know if it really is a ‘True’ adventure but I do know that it’s an incredible story, and some things will definitely ring as true for most. Also, not only does movie deal with the pressures of a lesbian relationship, but also an interracial one. And if this weren’t enough, Laurel Holloman (the L word) is one of the main characters.
8. Elena Undone
This movie holds the longest onscreen kiss in a movie. So if you’re into that kind of thing, then download now! If you need more tempting: it’s about 2 very different women who become fast friends. One who is an out-lesbian and author, and another who is an open-minded pastor’s wife. But Elena starts to realise that she’s falling for her new friend, and that new feelings are emerging which she had never given into before. But how can she ever tell her homophobic and highly religious husband?
9. Nina’s Heavenly Delights
It’s a movie about love, and food. ‘Nuff said.
10. Yes or No
This thai movie follows 2 new roommates who are polar opposites of one another. One is tidy, and one is messy, one is a typical tomboy and the other a huge femme. One is an amazing cook, the other can barely make rice. A heart-warming story about accepting your own prejudices and working on them to become a better person…and find love.
Also, if you love the movie as much as you should, there is also a Yes or No 2 🙂
Ps: the movie is available on youtube with English subs.. doesn’t get better than that!
If you have any other titles which you loved and think should be in the list, let me know in the comments!