What is identity?

Simply put, your identity is everything about you. Therefore, this comprises your sexuality, gender and gender expression. So what’s the difference between them?

Sexuality

Your sexuality involves what kind of people you are attracted to, sexually or just romantically (if you are only ever romantically attracted to someone, then you are asexual, which is a sexuality in itself). It also involves what stuff turns you on. Are you more into traditional stuff, or do you prefer to be more adventurous in that department. This is all personal, and as long as you are not harming yourself or the other person(s) then no one can tell you it’s wrong.

Gender 

This basically means what you identify as. Do you identify as male, female, non-binary, agender (no gender), bi-gender (2 genders), demi or whatever? All are legit. Once again this is private, and honestly, no one has to know your gender unless you tell them. Of course, it can be uncomfortable for people to just take a look at you and label you a gender or the other, but really, it’s up to you whether or not to tell them. Think about your safety first.

Gender Expression

This is basically how you project yourself to the world. For example, you may identify as male, but express yourself in more traditional feminine ways (such as being very sensitive and calming). You could also project yourself in the traditional way, for example, you identify as female and project your gender in traditionally feminine ways.

Other forms of gender expression can involve clothing – so wearing clothes which make you feel like you. 

For trans* and non-binary people who experience dysphoria, our gender expression can help us keep that dysphoria at bay. Because even if we are misgendered, at least with our clothing we are trying to tell the world what kind of people we are. Do we like cute things, or are we more hardcore, do we wear bright colours, or are we more nondescript. Even if you do not experience dysphoria, clothing and body language are the perfect ways to subtly express to people who you are…and if they are attentive, they will pick it up.

So with all of these things (and other stuff, like likes and dislikes etc) comprise your identity. For this reason, no one should look at one aspect of you (say your sexuality) and judge you – because it is not all that there is to you. So if someone actually does judge you because of one aspect of who you are, then they are not worth it. People should get to know your full identity first before they can make a judgement of how nice you are as a person.

Are trans* people just gay people who won’t accept it?


Erm. definitely not
. That statement is basically mixing up gender and sexuality to bring a whole new level of ignorance into the mix. so: gender is who you ARE, sexuality is who you’re attracted TO. that’s all there is to it.

so, a trans* person is trans* because their gender does not match the genital organs with which they were prescribed at birth. At least, this is the simplest way to look at it.

A gay person is someone who is attracted to someone who is the same gender as them.

so, got this? great let’s complicate it a bit more.

Therefore, Person A who is a female to male trans* (transman) is dating Person B, a cisgender male. They are a gay couple. Regardless of what their genitals are, they both identify as males and therefore this makes them a gay couple.

In short, sexuality and gender can be associated but they’re completely different concepts.

Trans* Sex – The other side of sex

When your sexual orientation is anything other than straight, you already start to feel that you’ll never have sex because you’re never going to find someone who loves you and feels the same way as you./ But when you’re trans* you feel this way much much more. Why? Because the entire experience is different. Imagine you’re a trans* person who has the female genital organs, but you identify more as male, and you’re dating someone who is a cisgender female. You will need to tell her that you don’t want her to penetrate you, and that you prefer being on top because it makes you feel more like a cis man. And that’s just positioning. Then there’s other stuff, like wanting to make your partner orgasm just through grinding. If you’re born with female parts, but you constantly feel that you have a penis (read more on gender dysphoria), then you would want nothing more than to make your partner orgasm with your genitals, hence, grinding.

So what I’m going to say is: don’t be foolish! You will have sex (if you want to). You will find people who will love you for you. Love is meant to be unconditional, which means that if you wouldn’t like to be penetrated, then your partner wont penetrate. Sometimes your partner will find this too hard. They wouldn’t want to change the way they have sex, or maybe the way they enjoy sex is exactly the way you hate it. So you have two options: compromise, or maybe come to terms with that fact that the relationship wouldn’t work out. I’m not saying that sex is the most important factor in a relationship, but if the two partners are sexual beings, then we need to face the facts that sometimes relationships can end because of sex. There’s nothing wrong about that. It’s best to come to terms with this early on, so as not to waste more time.

So anyway, back to sex. There are various ways that a trans* person enjoys sex. So just try new things, try push your boundaries. The important thing is to do it with someone you can trust and feel safe to be vulnerable with. If there’s something you don’t like, speak up. The essential thing in sexual expression is communication. Be open with your partners about what you like and don’t like, and also what you’d like to do to your partner. Sometimes roleplaying and dirty talk can work wonders.

Go Forth and Have Good, Mindblowing, Safe Sex!

Magic Mike (2012)

Ok this isn’t an LGBTQI movie, but it’s a bunch of half-naked men… I’m sure there are plenty of you here who are into that. I mean, have you SEEN Channing Tatum’s abs?

What I like about this movie is the fact that it is the men who are being objectified. Which makes a nice change from women being seen as sexual objects to be used. These male strippers take off their clothes for women’s pleasure. Females are even presented as sexual beings! Because, you know, women have libidos too.

Mike (Channing Tatum) is an amazing male stripper, who helps the new kid learn the tricks of the trade. Like how to take his clothes off and move his hips and dance sexy.

I’m not going to say that this movie is the ‘women’s sexual liberation’…far from it. If you read into it you’ll probably see the male superiority complex (‘you got the cock, they don’t’) ….so watch this movie on a night off, when you just want to watch a bunch of guys dance while half naked.

Skin

This is a poem I wrote when I was experiencing dysphoria, I tried to express how it feels to have dysphoria to someone who has never experienced it before. Comments are appreciated 🙂

If my body

were of a snake

I could shed it

When it no longer fit.

But I am a mere

Human

A person

My skin sheds slowly

And I always look the same.

But inside

My soul spirals

It changes every second

Of every day

But you will never see it.

(C) 2014

I also have a photography blog, feel free to ask me for its link if you’re into that kind of stuff 🙂