Historic Gender Identity Law

How many of you know where Malta is?

It’s basically this gorgeous tiny little island under Sicily. Its constitution declares that it’s a Catholic State.

So why am I mentioning it today?

Cause yesterday Malta passed a law called the Gender Identity, Gender Expression and Sex Characteristics Act (GIGESC). This law is groundbreaking on a global scale. So what does this new legislation comprise of?

1. Transgender people no longer need to a) divorce, b) go through sterlisation/surgery or c) be diagnosed with a mental illness to change their gender and name legally on all their documents.

2. For babies born Intersex, parents can put an ‘X’ marker on the child’s birth certificate up to the age of 18! Yes! That means that Intersex people will no longer have to go through invasive surgeries and/or hormone treatments without their informed consent. So when the child is certain of their gender, then they can change their documents. AMAZING

3. Minors who are trans* can ALSO change their documents legally. Naturally, given their young age they would need to be seen by a board of experts, made up a psychiatrist, social worker etc. NOT to classify the child with a mental illness, but to make sure the child is aware of what it wants.

4. No employer can reject a trans* person from employment just because they are trans*. Everyone must be respected, and should this law be infringed then there would be a fine.

To make all this even better, Malta is working on an education policy for schools to become more accepting and understanding of diversity and for students.to become accepting of their peers, but also if they themselves feel that they may be trans*, then they would be given the needed support.

And another cool thing for us non-binary and genderqueer etc folk? Malta is working to get the X marker permanently on legal documents. That’s right. Should this succeed, Maltese people would no longer have to choose to become part of the binary! They can choose to just be listed with an X marker.

This stuff is so cool.

KUDOS MALTA!

What is ‘Non-binary’ Anyway?

Well, most people (and you were probably also raised to think this way) believe that gender is either male or female. 2 genders. Therefore, binary. However, gender is more complex than that.

First off, gender and sexuality have nothing to do with one another. Sexuality is who you would be attracted to, and gender is who you ARE. Then you also have gender expression, which is how one chooses to express their gender, this may or may not be in the traditional way. For example, I may identify as female, but I express my female-ness through strength. Note how I didn’t say ‘femininity’. Femininity and masculinity are cultural concepts. What is feminine in one culture would not be feminine in another.

Anyway, second: Gender is a spectrum. A simplified explanation of this can be found in the image above. This means that gender isn’t just black or white, male or female. There are varying degrees of ‘male’or ‘female’. And where you fall on this spectrum is your binary gender.

Some people however (including myself) do not fall anywhere on this spectrum. We feel non-binary. There isn’t really a way to explain how this feels, but just as someone may feel and identify with male, or female, I identify as non-binary. It’s what makes sense to me, and makes me feel at ease.

Non-binary is an umbrella term, with various other identities, such as third gender (a gender other than male or female).

Ultimately, your gender is your own, and it’s such a complex thing that labels will not always fit perfectly. It’s like wearing a shirt which is a size or two too big for you. It fits, you can go around with it, but you know its too loose. Still, a shirt which is too big is way better than a shirt which is way too small for you and you just feel constrained.

Ticking boxes on forms

So I was thinking, how important is it for people to know our gender? When applying for anything one of the first boxes we have to tick is the one identifying our gender. Or to be more specific, our genitals. Because these questions generally will only have the options: Male or Female. So you’re not asking me for my gender, but for what I have between my legs. The question is, why?

Is it for surveys? Well, knowing my genitals won’t help you there. Because while I may have genitials A, my mindset can be Z….so you cannot really throw me in with everyone else who has genitals A, because their mindset may be A as well.

So why the hell do we need to mark a box which states our genitals? because in today’s world everything has to be gendered. Did you know there are APPLES for girls and boys. Because they cannot POSSIBLY have the same kind of apples. The applies for girls have to be dainty, and boy apples have to be rough and strong I guess.

Seriously.

Start looking around you. Notice these things. Notice how the first thing we notice about a person is whether or not they’re a girl or a boy. How clothing stores have sections for men and women…so I have a vagina I always have to buy sequined shirts as opposed to the shirts in the men’s section?

Our sexual characteristics are given to us by nature, but gender is completely man-made. It’s the perfect example of the human obsession to label things, and put everything into boxes. It’s up to us now to fight that with all our might. Because we can’t be put into a box, and anyone who accepts to be put in one is only missing out on their full potential.

Magic Mike (2012)

Ok this isn’t an LGBTQI movie, but it’s a bunch of half-naked men… I’m sure there are plenty of you here who are into that. I mean, have you SEEN Channing Tatum’s abs?

What I like about this movie is the fact that it is the men who are being objectified. Which makes a nice change from women being seen as sexual objects to be used. These male strippers take off their clothes for women’s pleasure. Females are even presented as sexual beings! Because, you know, women have libidos too.

Mike (Channing Tatum) is an amazing male stripper, who helps the new kid learn the tricks of the trade. Like how to take his clothes off and move his hips and dance sexy.

I’m not going to say that this movie is the ‘women’s sexual liberation’…far from it. If you read into it you’ll probably see the male superiority complex (‘you got the cock, they don’t’) ….so watch this movie on a night off, when you just want to watch a bunch of guys dance while half naked.

Children of a Lesser God

Marlee Matlin. Nuff said.

I have never shipped someone so hard…until Karmy OBVZ

Before this exquisite creature was Bette’s sexy girlfriend on the L Word, Ms. Matlin played a deaf woman in ‘Children of a Lesser God‘ for which she won an oscar for best female in a leading role. It was her debut performance! She was on par with Julie Andrews! She was (and STILL is) the youngest woman to win an oscar for a leading role – at the age of 21…and what are you doing?

Isn’t she the cutest? Ps. That’s the sign for ‘I love you’

Anyway, this film deals with James, a speech language teacher with a lot of energy. He starts to teach at a deaf school where Sarah (Marlee Matlin) is the cleaner, despite being the brightest student that school has ever seen. When James isn’t teaching deaf children how to sing ‘Boomarangrang’ he’s following Sarah around, trying to make sense of her.

Sarah’s got moves y’all

Sarah, on the other hand, is a very angry deaf person in a hearing world (sounds familiar my non-binary darlings?). She is tired of reading lips and therefore refuses to do so, causing James to have to sign to her for her to communicate back.

James cannot understand why she won’t speak. And let’s face it, he’s a speech language teacher for a reason. He wants Sarah to start speaking, to aim higher than her cleaning job at the school. She angrily signs to him ‘I will not do anything I can’t do well’. 

After investigating Sarah’s past, he starts to make sense of her situation and her anger.

They fall in love, but their differences in values: hers of being independent without having someone speak for her, and his of pushing her to speak like everyone else, causes a huge rift between them.

‘together, united as one’

This movie is pure gold. There isn’t closed captions however you can always understand what is going on either from movement or from the others. For example James would say what Sarah is saying out loud. He says his signing is rusty so this could be his way of understanding what she is saying. Whatever, either way, don’t worry this movie is very understandable.

Another note, the sound. When James is alone, the music is loud. He plays classical music on his LP player, there’s the sound of footsteps, of doors, of things happening outside. When there’s Sarah, you only hear the bare minimum. A footfall, maybe a door opening or shutting. But most of the time it is silent. I found this very powerful to try understand the differences between them.

Final verdict: WATCH THIS MOVIE NOW

That Tender Touch (1969)

This movie was listed as ‘lesbian interest’ …considering that the entire storyline deals with ex-lovers Marsha and Terry I would say there’s a bit more than just ‘interest’. Terry met and married Ken, but Marsha cannot get over her and after her shop goes belly up cause she was too busy fantasising about her ex Marsha seeks Terry’s help and she starts living with Terry and her new husband, who isn’t very happy with this arrangement. Probably because he realises that his wife and Marsha are having loads of eye sex.

So much eye sex

Oh another note, this movie came out in 1969…apt don’t you think?

Terry dreaming about Marsha…

This movie is full of angst and desire. It’s almost palpable, which is quite strange considering the time this movie was filmed. Which makes me think that the intention was for it to be erotic. What strengthened this opinion was when a minor character was reading an erotic novel called (you guessed it) ‘That Tender Touch’, which is about two women, and she starts to get visibly turned on. So yeah, this movie may have been intended as soft porn for men. Which is probably why you wouldn’t find it on lists next to ‘The hours’ or ‘Desert Hearts’. And let’s face it, it’s really not good enough to be next to the classics..

The ending of the movie was…predictable. Please remember guys that Desert Hearts (ie. The 1980s) was the first lesbian movie which did not feature a suicide of one of the lovers. So naturally, this is a suicide trigger warning.

So final verdict? Waste of a two hours. Let’s face it, Terry totally has the hots for Marsha, despite being married to Ken. But society is cruel and bigoted so she must fight her feelings. I’m not really a fan of these types of endings, and honestly, it felt a bit too brash.

New Header

So it’s a sunday here, which is traditionally referred to as ‘lazy sunday’ or ‘sunday funday’… So since I had some time on my hands (which is a very rare occurrence trust me) I decided to stay playing around with some graphics to create a new header.

VOILAAAAAAAA

If you’re an avid follower of this blog (and let’s face it, why wouldn’t you be) … first off, I love you guys, and second, you’d probably have realised that I’m continuously changing the style and colours. I like changing things up once in a while, but I kinda like how it’s looking right now so I think it will remain this way for a while.

As always, if there’s something that annoys you just let me know. I love constructive criticism…while I drown my sorrows in pizza. I think I hear the doorbell………

Faking It (Season 1)

If you haven’t heard of faking it, then sit your ass in front of your computer screen [oh right you’re already doing that…] and download the entire series!

But first, some backstory: Amy (played by the gorgeous Rita Volk) and Karma (played by the equally gorgeous Katie Stevens) are best friends. Like, utter best friends. Like, the kind of best friends you wish you could have but never will cause you’re not Rita nor Katie.

Anywayyy  

Amy and Karma aren’t that popular [read: at all] – which is strange cause…look at them. But Karma desperately wants to be popular, so she drags Amy to a huge party. At the party, Shane (Michael J. Willet) – who is probably the most fabulous gay man on television right now – mistakes Amy and Karma for lesbian lovers. I mean, they’re always together, they’re quiet, and Amy’s got a real butch style going on…so really, who could blame him. So what does this fabulous gay boy do?  He publicly outs them, in the hope of helping them come to terms with their sexuality.

Instantly people rejoice. Probably important to note here that this school is like, super gay friendly. It’s the ‘cool thing’ to be out and proud here. Homophobia is like, so a millenium ago.

damn you KARMY

Karma embraces her newfound popularity, especially since it helped her catch the eye of Liam Booker (read: booger), played by Gregg Sulkin, who apparently is the high school heartbreaker. So she begs Amy to pretend to be her lesbian lover. At first Amy just doesn’t want to go along with the lie, it’s too much of a drag…until she kisses Karma at the school assembly…fireworks go off, signalling the start of one of the best love triangles ever.

Shane you little cutie

Still not hooked? Watch the trailer here:

Things I learnt after being in a relationship for 3 years (and counting)

This is going to be another personal post, so please bear with me. I hope that I can impart some of the things I learnt as a nonbinary person in a relationship with a cis female.

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1. Be honest, not afraid

Ok yes this is a cliche. But it’s a true one. Don’t hide your true self because you’re afraid your other half won’t understand or accept you, if they really care about you (and love you) then they’ll do their utmost to understand and accept you as you are. After all, they fell in love with you already, the least you can do is be honest about your feelings and about who you are.

2. Solve fights 

Everyone fights. Frankly, I’m pretty sure you fought with your pet once or twice, so why should a relationship be any different? When you love someone fighting will end up coming naturally. You’ll disagree on whose turn it was to wash the dishes or fold the laundry, you’ll fight because you forgot that they had a really important date planned and you were late.. again. 

The trick to a healthy relationship is what happens after the fight … how well do you solve it? Communication is key. Talk it out with each other, have a good cry, kiss and move on (but make an effort to not make the same mistake twice). If you’re just going to mope about and remain angry with your partner then you’re not really going to achieve anything (except maybe a break up).

3. Laugh

Laughter makes the world go round, it unites people in ways nothing else can. Make your partner laugh as much as possible and they’ll be fooled into thinking that you’re the best thing on this planet. So be silly, dance in the rain, sing at the top of your lungs in the middle of an empty street. These are the memories you want them to cherish.

4. Touch each other as much as possible

Not (just) in the sexual way. Hold hands, hug, kiss, touch their face often. Hugging for long periods of time will release hormones which build the feeling of trust and safety in people. So make use of this trick and get hugging!

Besides, sometimes, words will never be enough, and a touch will be what your partner really needs from you to know you’re there.

5. Family is important, but don’t dwell on it

As most people in queer relationships know, acceptance isn’t easy to come by. While our straight and cisgender counterparts rarely have an issue in the parental/familial department, it is an all-too-often issue in ours. But the thing is, family isn’t everything. Normally your family will want what’s best for you. But the thing is, what they think is best for you is just their opinion. They will see your ‘lifestyle’ as too difficult, and wonder why you can’t just be ‘normal’ and have an easier life. Thing is, life is never easy, so at least you can go through this difficult life with the person you love. 

So respect your family, but don’t let it come between you and the person you love. At the end of the day, you know what’s best for you as well.

6. Take some alone time

Ah new relationships… when you just want to spend every moment together. It’s one of the most amazing things of a new relationship. Just don’t forget yourself. You may be in a relationship, but you’re also an individual. And to be an individual you need time to reflect on yourself and grow. In other words, do your own thing.

From a relationship point of view – one of the best ways to keep a relationship from becoming stagnant is to have exciting things to talk about. If you’re both spending every second of every day together, there isn’t much you can talk about is there?

7. Do stuff together

Ok yes I just said to do stuff alone… but do stuff together as well! The best way to get to know someone is to do things with them. Do they get frustrated or bored in queues ? Do they get road rage when driving? Do they laugh at the most inappropriate moments in a play?

Knowing someone’s past is extremely important, but knowing who they are as a person is possibly the most important thing of all.

8. Meet friends and have dates

A balance between a social life and a relationship is essential. Of course it depends on the two people involved in the relationship to determine how much weight to give the social circle and how much weight to give to date time. From experience, meeting friends is a good distraction for those bad phases and it’s also a good way for you guys to laugh together. But dates are important to just be romantic and sweet and are useful to reconnect with your partner.

9. Be Romantic

Sometimes a look in your eyes is enough to tell your special someone how much  you care, but other times, an over the top romantic gesture is what you truly need. Plan a surprise for your loved one, whisk them away to another city/island/whatever for a romantic day just with each other. And when you’re on a tight budget, switch off your phone and just cuddle with each other on a sofa. Quality time without the distractions of modern day technology can really tell someone that you care about them more than checking your facebook or tumblr for the millionth time.

10. Fall in love again, day after day. 

This may come as a shock to those who probably haven’t been in a relationship for long, but you will fall out of love. Sometimes the routine and daily life will grind you down and you stop appreciating the wonderful person you have with you. Pause yourself for a second, and take the time to realise what a great partner you have, make sure to appreciate them and every little thing they do for you. Like give you the last bite of cake, or take you to your favourite restaurant even though they may not have felt like Chinese food that night.

When a relationship lasts long, it means that the people involved manage to keep falling in love with each other, most of the time, they end up falling deeper and deeper in love every single day.

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And this brings a close to this overly-mushy article/advice post! It’s obviously dedicated to the love of my life, who also happens to be my fiancee.

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This is a poem I wrote when I was experiencing dysphoria, I tried to express how it feels to have dysphoria to someone who has never experienced it before. Comments are appreciated 🙂

If my body

were of a snake

I could shed it

When it no longer fit.

But I am a mere

Human

A person

My skin sheds slowly

And I always look the same.

But inside

My soul spirals

It changes every second

Of every day

But you will never see it.

(C) 2014

I also have a photography blog, feel free to ask me for its link if you’re into that kind of stuff 🙂